This post first appeared at A Blossoming Life as my first guest post! As a new blogger I was really honored to be asked to do a guest post. Amy is doing a great series on Building a Better Marriage so to see the whole series check it out at ablossominglife.com.
Today I’m sharing some marriage tips that my Hubby and I have learned over the years.
My Story
The Hubby and I have been married for over 10 years and we met in college. Before getting married, we first made sure that our life goals and aspirations were on the same page. We both are following Jesus the best we know how and this is the biggest priority for the both of us. We both eventually wanted to have kids, but not right away. We both wanted to live in the area where we went to college. Beyond that we weren’t too sure what our life would look like. But we knew we wanted to spend it together.
So we got married and here we are ten years and two kids later!
No One Has The Perfect Marriage
Before I go on I think it’s important to recognize an important fact: no marriage is perfect. Don’t think that anyone has the perfect marriage because it simply doesn’t exist. Every marriage has strengths and weaknesses. Marriage is between two imperfect people so there will be PLENTY of problems that will come up. It’s how those problems are dealt with that makes the difference.
Little Tips for A Better Marriage
Serve one another. The most important tip I can give comes from Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Put your spouses needs ahead of your own. Put off selfishness and seek to serve your spouse. Your spouse should do the same for you. When two people come together serving each other’s needs amazing things happen.
Share interests. My hubby and I are very different so most of our interests are also different. I love to blog, my hubby loves to ride his bike. Hubby loves to watch Rocky movies. I’d rather watch a romantic comedy. We find ways to support each other’s interests, even if it’s not as “interesting” to the other. Blogging is not the Hubby’s favorite thing to do but he shares my interest by encouraging me with blog posts and helping me with grammatical corrections. The Hubby loves cycling and talking about bike parts. Those two interests are not my favorite things to do. I’ve learned a couple of things about bike components because it’s something the Hubby LOVES to talk about and then we can talk about it together.
Sometimes our interests are the same, like with photography. We both love to take pictures and mess around with new settings on our camera. It’s fun to share an interest that we both enjoy equally.
Invest time into each other. Play games, go for walks, workout together, go on regular dates. A couple of years ago we noticed in the evenings when we have time together we would just veg in front of the TV. We were acting more like roommates instead of spouses. We both had to put a priority on spending active time together, not just co-existing. In trying to change that, we discovered game called Monopoly Deal and we both LOVE to play it. After the kids go to bed we put on some music, play the game and chat with each other. It’s a great time to connect with each other.
Enjoy things together. One thing we love to do together is watch Top Gear (the UK version of course!) We both LOVE it. Yes I am a wife who loves to watch Top Gear. Why? I have a general interest in cars but it’s not as much as my hubby. I LOVE the show for the cinematography (cinematography is the way they capture scenes). The lenses and high-speed cameras they use to capture a car going over 200 mph without blurring amazes me. We often pause the show to comment on the amazing feats a car is accomplishing or an amazing shot that we wish we could replicate with our camera.
Don’t harbor bitterness or anger. This is one of my biggest struggles. When I get upset, I have a bad habit of keeping score of all the wrongs that person has done to me and I want to hold on to bitterness. Ephesians 4:26-27 says “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” When I choose to talk to my hubby about what’s bothering me focusing on forgiving and finding a solution to the problem, I’m much less likely to harbor bitterness. After all, hasn’t Jesus forgiven me of all the junk I’ve done?
Support their God-given purpose. Right now my God-given purpose is to stay home and raise our two kids and help other women close to me. My husband supports my purpose by providing for our family, giving me time to invest in other women, and giving me a break from mommy duties when I need it.
My hubby’s purpose now is to teach on multiple levels. He teaches high school science and also teaches Sunday school. He’s also built to encourage others. I help support him in his purpose by helping him grade papers at night and giving him time with friends that need support. We often have people over for dinner as a way to bless and encourage them. This is a great example of God using our gifts together and it’s really fulfilling for both of us.
I hope this post was helpful to you! What was the best marriage advice someone gave to you?
What a great post! Thank you for sharing 🙂 I love your tips, too!
You’re welcome! I hope it was helpful & thanks so much for stopping by! I’m a new fan of yours on Facebook and looking forward to reading more 🙂
I think it is very important to respect one’s husband. I see many women who do not and I do not think that bodes well for a lasting marriage.
Yes respect is so important! Mutual respect makes both parties feel loved. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Hi Carrie, Great blog you have here! the best advise that my wife and I have received was during a very difficult time in our marriage. Our old pastor came over because Amy and I were not speaking to one another. When he sat us down he looked at me and said, “let me tell you who is at fault here” I “knew” it had to be my wife’s fault…but then he said, “YOU DAVID!” When I started to protest he told me to just hold on while he opened his Bible to James 4:1-3 and read these words, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” How those verses cut to my heart! My pastor said, “David, you are willing to murder and fight and quarrel just to get what you want! You are willing to sin against God to fulfill your desires! You are at fault, David! You need to look at yourself and take the log out of your eye!” I knew that he was right. I was indeed at fault. I had returned evil for evil, and that was my problem, not hers. Then he turned to my wife and read those verses to her and said the same thing to her too. When Amy and I realized that we had to take responsibility for our own sin-That is when real change started to happen in our marriage. So now, if we have a disagreement and it starts to get bad, I always go back to those verses and preach to myself, I can only be responsible for how I act–and Jesus calls me to love my wife to death, even if she doesn’t always do her part. Oh I really thank God for his Grace! I never knew how big of a sinner I was till I got married! I think marriage is used by God as a sort of pruning shears to sanctify us. Anyway, sorry for rambling on…but that was the best marriage advice I ever got!
Ramble away, David! This is great marriage advice! It’s amazing and sad how quickly a little disagreement can turn into a fight over nothing becasuse both of us are sinning. Those verses are so true and I’m glad they’ve been so helpful to you too!
Thanks for sharing Carrie! I love what you said about not harboring bitterness or anger. I too do that at times, and find it helpful to do that. I also think it is important to still play and have fun together. Life gets in the way sometimes, but it is important to have that time together, The more I learn about the gospel, the more I am reminded to love Michael even when I feel he is undeserving. Christ loves me in spite of my faults and imperfections.
One thing that we try to do on a daily basis is to pray together. I find this to be extremely helpful. I feel more connected as one when we pray together.
Thanks again for sharing!!
* I mean find it harmful not helpful to harbor bitterness. 🙂
Praying together is such a great thing to do. And yes I totally got what you are saying even if it wasn’t the word you meant! That’s funny because as I was reading your comment I didn’t notice that you said helpful instead of harmful. I guess I’m reading too fast. Thanks for stopping by, Casey!